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January 20, 2009

Empty Nest Joy

I've heard of empty-nest syndrome, but I always wondered what they were talking about. The people I know whose kids have left the house are deliriously happy about it.

Since the 1970s, relationship experts have popularized the notion of “empty nest syndrome,” a time of depression and loss of purpose that plagues parents, especially mothers, when their children leave home. Dozens of Web sites and books have been created to help parents weather the transition. Simon & Schuster has even introduced a “Chicken Soup for the Soul” dedicated to empty nesters.

But a growing body of research suggests that the phenomenon has been misunderstood. While most parents clearly miss children who have left home for college, jobs or marriage, they also enjoy the greater freedom and relaxed responsibility.

And despite the common worry that long-married couples will find themselves with nothing in common, the new research, published in November in the journal Psychological Science, shows that marital satisfaction actually improves when the children finally take their exits.

I can tell you exactly why this is an anachronism. Cell phones and the internet make staying in touch with your kids, and just about anybody else, a trivial exercise. I talk to my daughter a least two or three times a week. The lovely bunny talks to her every day. My sons are less tied to the apron strings, but I'll talk to each of them at least once a week. You can't miss people that you are in constant contact with, even if they aren't physically present.

The nice part about the kids leaving home is that, well, its your home again. You don't realize until after everybody is gone, how many minor irritations you put up with for years and years. When I buy a bag of baked Cheetos, I actually get a handful--in fact the bag pretty much lasts as long as I want it to. Everything stays clean and everything is exactly where I left it. Life just gets easier in so many respects.

So what's the depression about? I suspect that for some people its simply the fact that for twenty, twenty-five years, everything is about the kids, and then its not. Parenthood is a big adjustment on entry and on exit. Some years ago I went golfing with a guy who had recently emptied his nest. He was feeling terribly guilty about his shiny new golf clubs. He'd been sacrificing for his children's education for years, and suddenly he didn't have to anymore. Intellectually he knew he could afford to spend the money, but emotionally he just wasn't there yet.

Me? Not having that problem.

January 29, 2009

NOT a parody

banks600.jpg
Not a parody--well maybe a bit of superiority by the Times, as usual. Dating a banker anonymous. NY Times:

They shared their sad stories the other night at an informal gathering of Dating a Banker Anonymous, a support group founded in November to help women cope with the inevitable relationship fallout from, say, the collapse of Lehman Brothers or the Dow’s shedding 777 points in a single day, as it did on Sept. 29.

In addition to meeting once or twice weekly for brunch or drinks at a bar or restaurant, the group has a blog, billed as “free from the scrutiny of feminists,” that invites women to join “if your monthly Bergdorf’s allowance has been halved and bottle service has all but disappeared from your life.”

Apparently the site has a few mistresses on it who complain they've been dumped since the wives are now scrupulous about checking the credit card bills. And the ultimate horror? The bad market in NY forced a move to the Midwest...but I like the push-back on feminists part.

February 18, 2009

One Hundred Classics and Other Stuff Nobody Reads

From Honu Girl.

Apparently this is a list of 100 classics in the estimation of the BBC, of which they believe most people will have only read six on average. Like all list there are some inarguable entries, some glaring omissions, and some puzzlers present. I've put an (x) by the one's I've read and a (x)+ for the one's I've read and loved.

I am curious as to why at least some of Mark Twain's works didn't make the list. British prejudice?

Continue reading "One Hundred Classics and Other Stuff Nobody Reads" »

March 4, 2009

In Venice

The view from my room:

March 21, 2009

Home, sweet home


Google now has Street View for London. Apparently some poor sod drove around most London streets and snapped 360 degree views every 20 seconds. Here's a typical slice of London life. You can tell it's not Salt Lake City.

The reindeer antlers are a nice touch. I hope you'll all visit London soon. If you're interested in London, this snappy video (not mine) samples the complexity of my native city. It may not be wholesome, but it is addictive, especially to photographers like me.

October 28, 2009

New Jersey fashion

This takes a minute to download.

Englewood, NJ, is one of the most copacetic suburbs I know. If Christie beats Corzine in a couple of weeks then northern New Jersey may be flooded with boat people from NYC, fleeing Big Tax. The NJ coastguard will be rescuing raft people from the West River and returning them weeping to the West Side Highway where Bloomberg and Paterson will be waiting with greedy grins.

The guy in the striped shorts is a star, but Poncho Lady at 2.20 has a smile from Central Casting in the sky.




April 26, 2010

Cruisin'

oosterdam.jpgThings are bad and the commies are working hard to impose their socialist revolution on the U.S., but we all still have to live our lives, don't we? So the lovely bunny and myself went on a Mexican Riviera cruise.

A bad economy is also known as a good opportunity and cruises are as cheap as I've seen them since right after 9/11. For not much more that what it would have cost me to spend a long weekend somewhere, we spent a week visiting Mazatlan, Puerto Vallarta and Cabo San Lucas. For us it was a last minute thing and Holland America was still trying to fill cabins as late as a week before the sail date.

Holland-America is holding its own, mostly because it attracts a more sedate (read older) clientelle who are less affected by the ups and downs of the economy. That was OK with us because it meant fewer unruly prepubescents and adolescents sucking up all the oxygen. The two sea days also allowed me to make a down payment on my sleep debt.

I note that there is a distinct downgrading of the quality of food served on these cruises as compared with past years. It felt more like the Sizzler than the gourmet feasts we'd enjoyed on past cruises. Gone are the pats of Elle et Vivre French butter and quality cold cuts. Utility grade beef though, was in ample supply.

Service remains good, as battalions of Filipinos are still motivated by the prospect of a good tip, even though the tip is now a standardized 11 dollar per person per day charge on account. The evening entertainments were about the same as well, since actors, comedians, illusionists and musicians are always glad to have a job in this economy.

As usual, the evening meal afforded us the opportunity to meet some very interesting people from different locales and politics was often the subject of discussion. I'm much more interested in treating these conversations as informal polling, than in opining and there was a distinct 'tea party' feel with everyone with one notable exception.

While sitting at dinner with a West Coast Democrat couple and a older, single woman from the Northwest, the conversation took a sticky turn. Not with the Democrats who are pretty much on the same page as your average independent and moderate Republican (now that Iraq isn't much of an issue anymore...), but with the decidedly 'progressive' woman who objected to the Democrat's hunting practices, then took exception to the idea than Hispanic minorities are responsible for crime to any significant degree ( Hispanics are 3.3 times more likely to be in prison than whites; they are 4.2 times more likely to be in prison for murder, and 5.8 times more likely to be in prison for felony drug crimes. Young Hispanics are 19 times more likely than young whites and slightly more likely than young blacks, to be in youth gangs. ) and finally to the outcome of Proposition 8 (we had a Catholic priest at the table as well...). After expressing incredulity at our barbarisms, she arose and announced that she had never sat at a table with so many avowed racists!

Its one thing to note the rhetorical flourishes of Progressives on blogs and cable television, its quite another to see such moral certitude exercised in the flesh. There is nothing scarier than a stupid person with the perception of moral high ground. That night, she was felt fully justified in calling five strangers a 'bunch of racists'. With a gun and a badge, what might she have felt justified in doing?

I wasn't particularly surprised that she was single, and fortunately she was a very small minority among the people we met and chatted with during our sojourn.

Cruises are an excellent value right now, but the trick is not to book to early. Prices decline as the sail date gets closer and the berths aren't filled up.

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