1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not st rong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36- year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin , TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Go to the Democrat Congressional Campaign Committee's petition against Rush Limbaugh and send him a nice note...

What do you call it when you can get the best of an attorney AND an IRS auditor?

As usual, federal authorities assure the public that it wasn't terrorism. We know better.

I happened upon this warning while delivering my old kitchen tile to the landfill today. Our previous landfill can be seen in the distance. Something for Kansas to consider.

Here's the pitch: English intellectual speaks nearly non-stop for half an hour - 15 minutes on Shakespeare, 15 minutes on stammering, also waves his arms. Lap it up:

I threw in the last clip as an afterthought. In it Miller, a famous atheist, draws from Dudley Moore a model of deep Intelligent Design.

Click on London-SE1 for a tableau in front of Tower Bridge and St Paul's:

Tehran, 22 Sep 2009:

Iran's sole Simorgh AWACS aircraft was lost during a military parade Sept. 22, one of two Iranian military aircraft that crashed in Tehran while participating in a display to mark the anniversary of the start of the 1980-88 Iran-Iraq War.

The Islamic Republic of Iran Air Force operated a single Simorgh, a former Iraqi Air Force Adnan. The Adnan AWACS was in turn a modification of a Soviet-built Ilyushin Il-76 transport.
The Simorgh collided with one of the Air Force's Northrop F-5E Tiger II fighters over the area of the Imam Khomeyni Shrine, southern Tehran.

I apologize in advance to any and all who are offended, but I thought this was not only hilarious, but done with amazing delicacy and grace.

I know what 'clearing my spindle' means as a metaphor, but I haven't found its literal meaning. It sounds healthy tho, so let's go:

• I won a Daily Telegraph photo competition with this picture:

• I won 3rd honourable mention in the 1st Al Gore Poetry Prize with this haiku:

Fake data buries Science settled like the snow Outside my window.

Fox's Glacier Mints Don't contain real glaciers. Tossers.

War may be hell, but watching war movies can also be hell, especially when they don't get to the point. Often gripping at a straight thriller level, but increasingly weakened by its fuzzy (and hardly original) psychology.

• We're a day away from the Massachusetts election for US Senate and there's good hopes for a Republican win. My forecast is Brown (R) +12, higher than the polls which are sample skewed and don't purport to project momentum. The more one sees and learns of Coakley (D), the worse she looks, and the converse for Brown (aka Hottie McAwesome).

• Since there hasn't been a Republican senator for Mass since 1972 and since Obama won Mass +26 and since Coakley was showing +30 in November and since this is a referendum on Obama Year 1 and Obamacare, the Democrats have already lost, even if they win by single low single digits. Such a shift in Mass portends a political earthquake such that ObamaReidPelosi won't be able to cram their unpolished legislative turds down the throats of their terrified troops in Congress. The least worst thing that can happen to Obama is to lose in Mass and re-tool Obamacare with whatever RINO's he can bribe. It may too late tho, his authority is so compromised. 


• I read somewhere that this has been 'the coldest winter since Global Warming began.' The whole house of cards of this Scientistic superstition is trembling now, but it's been a damn close run thing as Wellington said of Waterloo. You could say the same about Obamacare, Obama's Waterloo....1 senate vote.


• Dont forget, Massachusettsians, Martin Luther King was Republican. I'm not, but he was, and today is his day, so all you inessential government workers who unaccountably are allowed to vote to tax the rest of us, stay home today and stay home tomorrow. It's cold out there.

Obama is a joke. I would say that, wouldn't I? I've always thought him ludicrous. But even the hyenas are getting the joke:

Dowd on The One:

Someone who’s always game for a game of pickup basketball, loves talking sports and even boasts beefcake photos. A pro-choice phenom propelled into higher office by conservatives, independents and Democrats, a surprise winner with a magical aura.

The New One is the shimmering vessel that we are pouring all our hopes and dreams into after the grave disappointment of the Last One, Barack Obama.

The only question left is: Why isn’t Scott Brown delivering the State of the Union? He’s the Epic One we want to hear from. All that inexperience can really be put to good use here.

The Reality Distortion Field:

Mick: Amusing video, but what I think is really fascinating is how we subconsciously filter out these adjectives. The spin is obligatory, expected, but almost totally ineffective.

What Jobs etal are trying to do is convey an emotional reaction, but we instinctively know that its contrived and insincere.

Contrast this announcement with the driveless, super-thin Macbook Air.

The Macbook Air was sufficiently technologically impressive to generate an emotional reaction all by itself. When Jobs took the Macbook Air out of the envelope, you could hear audible gasps from the audience. You get some hoots and hollers during the iPad announcement, but no gasps, hence the necessity for emotionally aggrandizing adjectives throughout everyone's presentation.

There is an important lesson here, and its reemphasized for us on an almost daily basis--don't talk--show. If it doesn't show well, go back to the drawing board. Linking this to the political sphere, perhaps to most effective piece of political theater we've collectively seen was Charles Johnson's (Little Green Footballs) animated comparison of the Killian memo with a version typed in Microsoft Word. Nothing else needed to be said--CBS was hosed, Rather's career over and the conservative blogosphere off and running. A three second loop constituted a shot to the heart of a massive left-wing conspiracy to take down a President.

Don't talk--show.